Traditions are important to keep a family together. I learned all about keeping traditions from my grandmother. There were things we did each and every holiday, from using a certain set of plates to putting out the special salt and pepper shakers that matched the decorations.
I guess that's part of what has been hard the past few years. My parents died five years ago and Granny died two and a half years ago. My daughter is 19 and we are living 600 miles from my family and almost 1000 miles from my husband's family. So all of the traditions that were part of my life are no longer there.
Take this Easter, for example. My husband's job has him working midnights this weekend and my daughter and her boyfriend have to work Easter Sunday. If they are (hopefully) able to make it to church with me, there won't be time for me to make a traditional dinner.
We looked at having it earlier in the week, and even tried to have it sometime next week, but to get my husband, daughter and her boyfriend all here at the same time just isn't possible. So I decided to get creative.
Out went the plans for the Easter ham and my Granny's macaroni and cheese recipe. Her broccoli casserole. Deviled eggs. Chocolate cake with homemade icing.
Instead, I needed to find something that could be cooked in one pan and ready in less than an hour. So, out came the lasagna recipe. (My recipe, because Granny didn't really like Italian.)
Definitely not what I was looking forward to making this year. But the four of us will be able to sit down for a few precious minutes before they have to scatter...and that is the tradition I will always treasure.
Saturday, March 26, 2016
Tuesday, March 22, 2016
Don't...Just Don't
Today, one of my friends on Facebook lost her father. It was sudden. I know how that feels. Five years ago I lost my father (only two months after he had a heart attack.) Then my mother, who had been battling a long-term illness, died 28 days later.
Grief sucks. It's unimaginable unless you've been on that crazy train yourself. And while there are really no words that can help take away the grief or pain of loss, we had so many people reach out to us during that time.
"I'm so sorry" was probably what we heard the most. And it helped. People who shared memories and moments they had with my parents also helped us smile through our tears. Hugs. Lots and lots of hugs while we cried.
But not once did someone tell me to not be sad.
My friend had someone tell her not to be sad that her father had died. Three hours after it happened.
I'm hoping that the person who said this to my friend had a heart that was in the right place. She may have meant that he isn't suffering anymore. He's in Heaven and we will see him again one day. She may have meant to think of the good memories that they had with him.
But it was an incredibly insensitive thing to say.
It's OK to be sad. It's OK to be angry. It's OK to hurt and scream and cry and curl up in a ball on the far side of your bed in the corner and not come out for an hour or two. It's OK to want to talk about it one minute and then not want to talk about it the next. It's OK to not want to do things the way you have always done because it hurts too much. It's OK to have feelings. Even the messy ones that make other people uncomfortable.
And these feelings will continue well past the funeral and graveside service.
When my dad died, I looked at my husband and told him I think I finally understood why grief hurts so much. We weren't created to be separated. When God made Adam and Eve, they were supposed to live forever. Together. But choices were made and one of the results of those choices was having to deal with the death of loved ones.
Is there hope that as a Christian, I will see my family again? Absolutely. Is there the promise that we will never be separated again? Definitely.
But for now, grief is the reality that has invaded our lives. And my friend's life as well.
So when you have the opportunity to comfort someone who has lost a loved one, please give them the best gift of all...the gift of grieving, in their own way. Stand by their side, hold their hand, do a load of laundry for them, bring over a meal and dessert, keep asking them to join you to do things you guys have always enjoyed (and let them say no without making them feel guilty), let them talk, let them share the same memory over and over again, let them ask the unanswerable questions without trying to answer...
Just please, whatever else you do, do not tell them to not be sad.
Grief sucks. It's unimaginable unless you've been on that crazy train yourself. And while there are really no words that can help take away the grief or pain of loss, we had so many people reach out to us during that time.
"I'm so sorry" was probably what we heard the most. And it helped. People who shared memories and moments they had with my parents also helped us smile through our tears. Hugs. Lots and lots of hugs while we cried.
But not once did someone tell me to not be sad.
My friend had someone tell her not to be sad that her father had died. Three hours after it happened.
I'm hoping that the person who said this to my friend had a heart that was in the right place. She may have meant that he isn't suffering anymore. He's in Heaven and we will see him again one day. She may have meant to think of the good memories that they had with him.
But it was an incredibly insensitive thing to say.
It's OK to be sad. It's OK to be angry. It's OK to hurt and scream and cry and curl up in a ball on the far side of your bed in the corner and not come out for an hour or two. It's OK to want to talk about it one minute and then not want to talk about it the next. It's OK to not want to do things the way you have always done because it hurts too much. It's OK to have feelings. Even the messy ones that make other people uncomfortable.
And these feelings will continue well past the funeral and graveside service.
When my dad died, I looked at my husband and told him I think I finally understood why grief hurts so much. We weren't created to be separated. When God made Adam and Eve, they were supposed to live forever. Together. But choices were made and one of the results of those choices was having to deal with the death of loved ones.
Is there hope that as a Christian, I will see my family again? Absolutely. Is there the promise that we will never be separated again? Definitely.
But for now, grief is the reality that has invaded our lives. And my friend's life as well.
So when you have the opportunity to comfort someone who has lost a loved one, please give them the best gift of all...the gift of grieving, in their own way. Stand by their side, hold their hand, do a load of laundry for them, bring over a meal and dessert, keep asking them to join you to do things you guys have always enjoyed (and let them say no without making them feel guilty), let them talk, let them share the same memory over and over again, let them ask the unanswerable questions without trying to answer...
Just please, whatever else you do, do not tell them to not be sad.
Thursday, March 3, 2016
Thursday's Treasures - It's a Spring Thing!
Bright and brilliant colors are the hallmarks of spring...yellow daffodils, red tulips, purple hyacinths, and a whole range of other flowers make their appearance as the weather starts to get warm.
The brilliant sheen of copper wire makes the design of these sea glass earrings perfect for the upcoming warmer weather.
I have been collecting sea glass for years and finding two pieces of sea glass that are similar enough in size, shape and color to create this breathtaking pair of earrings took quite a few trips to the beach and hours of sorting through piles and piles of gorgeous sea glass!
Brown sea glass and copper wire create a unique color combination. Both on the warm side of the color wheel, they compliment each other in an earthy kind of way. Orange lucite flower beads and dark orange frosted glass beads are accented with an antique copper bead cap and the same copper wire that the sea glass is wrapped with to create the upper part of the design. Copper ear-wires complete the look.
Have an awesome week!
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